July 12, 2012

I talked to dad on my break at work this morning. Steve is doing good. They are putting him a new diet. He will also has to be low activity for the next few months. Steve being a Price makes me think that this will be hard for him. Marla being Marla will kick his butt. I heart Marla mucho. He is out of the ICU and is on the normal cardio wing. Shad went to go see him at the hospital. I guess they were having too much fun and were asked to leave. Haha! I love it. I am also not surprised. Everyone was together and no one was working. Why not have a party?

The meds I’m on are kicking my butt. I am in bed by 9:30 and will wake up at 6:40 and still can’t hardly function. How’s that for fun? Oh what, IT’S NOT!

Work was fun. Julia text me to asking me to tell the powers that be that she wouldn’t be coming in. haha. David and I have taken over the Priests of Noah row. When they got to work they were grumpy. I’m over it. I am not going to sit with the stinky 3rd shift people when I get here. Not going to happen. HA! Plus, we like being able to have snacks at work.

Cam was in a really bad mood today. I don’t know what his problem was. He was grumpy over everything. I think he needed a nap. I know I did. He made me tired with all his micro managing today. It was zero fun. Norm wasn’t in today. I’m thinking that Cam was drunk on power. I like it better when Maria or Herschel are the ones in charge during the morning shift hours.

Have you ever had so much caffeine in your system that you were jittery yet you were so tired that you were still moving in slow motion? This was my life today. My new meds are kicking my butt. I need the caffeine to stay awake. It’s like I keep running but my target never seemed to get any closer. It was extremely frustrating. It’s funny now that I am thinking about it. It wasn’t funny while I was at work.

They kept trying to put me on alarms today. It was great how I told everyone that I wasn’t to be on high priority alarms. I was only to be on Lows and inbounds. It made for an interesting day. I think tomorrow I am going to bring a book or something. I am the only one on the floor that can have their phone on the their desk. I just can’t sit and play on it. I did text a little when I shouldn’t have. I get so tried that If I don’t do anything I will fall asleep at my desk. Thanks to Mary I was able to stay awake the last 45 minutes of my shift! Hahaha.

I thought about crying to see if I could go home early. I would have but I need the hours. I had to work my schedule weird this pay period so that I could have Courtney. I am short about 10 hours. I have been working through my lunches. I need the hours.

I got to Spencer's a little after 5pm. I visited with Calli for a few minutes. I like Calli a lot.

I was able to sit with Spencer for a while before dinner. I told him I love him and he said "okay" he was half asleep. It made me laugh.

He was really having a hard time forming thoughts. It's become more noticeable the last couple of days. He will do good for a bit and then he can't even find the words to say he can't think. He will just have this look on his face that is frustrated, embarrassed and sad. It breaks my heart.

We had french toast for dinner. I had to fix his plate. He didn't understand what was going on. Once he say everyone else eating it clicked.

After dinner we watched Ocean's 11. I think he recognized Vegas. It was interesting to see the dots connect for him.

When I left he didn't understand what I was doing. I explained to him about 4 or 5 times that I had to go home and would be back tomorrow. He asked if he was coming with me. He asked what he needed to do. He would say how he didn't want me to go. That he didn't understand why I was leaving. It kills me to have to leave every night. I would give anything to be able to sleep on the floor next to his bed at night. So I could hold his had as he slept. I could make sure he is still breathing. That I could just be there.

I love him so much. I wish I could be with him always. I am so tired of everything cramping my style.

I did Turbo Jam a little tonight. I needed to blow off so steam. Its been a really long day. I'm ready for it to be over. Now comes the fear of tomorrow.

P.s.
This what happens when I try to take his picture when he's awake. You'd think that taking his picture would have gotten easier through all of this. Nope. At least I know I've not lost all of him right?