As I sat in church today I looked around at all the young, happy, newly married couples. I just cried. It a painful reminder that I don't have Spencer sitting next to me holding my hand. I miss him so much.
We had our Christmas program today. It was nice. Spencer knew how much I dislike Christmas music. He would always tease me. The Christmas program was great in his eyes because he would be silly and tease me the whole time. I miss that.
I like my family ward for the most part. It's a good for the girls. The ward doesn't have a ton of youth. The doubled the young women. Haha. It's a good ward.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
I bought new clippers today. I needed them. I bought my dream clippers. They are the ones that I have wanted for 8 years. As I picked up my phone to call Spencer to tell him the great news I remembered that I can't call him anymore.
I still check my phone all the time hoping he's text me.
I sure miss that man.
I still check my phone all the time hoping he's text me.
I sure miss that man.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
So it’s been one month since Spencer passed away. I have been trying to come up with something that would be worthy of him. After trying to write many things that have been nothing but tripe… I have come to the conclusion that nothing would be good enough.
This is what I have come up with, July 17, 2010 – October 20, 2012 I have pictures and memories of this wonderful man that I am going to now share. For every 1 picture that I was able to post of Spencer I have 15 that he told me “I better not see these show up on your blog.” Now that there is no way for him to see the pictures on my blog, I am going to post them.
If you don’t like this post that is all on you. This is for me. I love Spencer. This last month has been hard without him. A lot of these pictures have not been posted before. Some of them haven’t been seen by even Spencer. Haha.
After our first couple of dates we didn’t see each other until Derek and River’s wedding reception. I dropped off some of the guys at the Temple.
I took a couple of pictures of the boys. This one is my favorite. Spencer was so cute.
I love his smile so much.
Later at the Reception I was trying to be sneaky and take pictures of him. I just wanted a couple. He was just too cute. I wasn’t sure if we were going to be seeing each other anymore. I wanted a couple of pictures.
I asked him if he wanted me to help him pin his flower to his shirt. I was so flustered being so close to him that I had a hard time pinning his flower.
I also insisted that Spencer be in the pictures be in the group shots.
I really think that he is just adorable.
I made all the groomsman stand for a picture that wasn’t professional. (Again, I just wanted a picture of Spencer)
At the Second reception He was standing by the door talking to someone that I didn’t know. I just took the picture randomly. That’s how I got his attention. :) I invited him to the grocery store with me that night. He asked me if I would cut his hair. I said yes. I invited him over for dinner the next night. He said yes.
At Dinner we were playing Mow. He ended up with the tiara. There were 2 or 3 of them during the game. I took his picture. He told me “I better not see this on Facebook.” It was the start of him bossing me. I miss him bossing me like that.
We started seeing each other every day. We talked on the phone, we texted each other; we made up any excuse to see each other. He would come over as soon as we were both off work and he would stay until about 5am. Some days he would leave at 5am to go home. He would shower, change his clothes and then just come back over. I was crazy about him.
We would work on puzzles all the time. We would talk about everything. He would make me laugh. I instantly trusted him. There was just something about him that made me feel instantly at ease. He has such kind eyes. He smile made me melt.
This was a mini date with friends. Dinner and Karaoke. It was a blast.
We stayed in the parking lot talking until maybe 2 or 3. I couldn't hardly look him in the eyes. I had such a crush on him. He mad me so happy.
Okay, This makes me laugh to think about. I told him I wanted a picture of him where he was smiling. He told me no. I told him that I was going to just take 100 pictures of him until I got the one I wanted. He got up off the floor leaving the blanket where he was. He sat on the couch and smiled for me. I just about died. He made me giggle. he was just so cute.
This is a good one. He was teasing me about my socks. The tied them together to make a rope. He was a turd.
This is one of the many puzzles we put together.
He brought over rock band. Can you see me just looking at him?
I was messing up the song so bad.
I just wanted to look at him.
One night we were just talking about growing up. Then I decided I wanted to go home. I invited him to come with me. He hadn’t kissed me yet. Heck he hadn’t even held my hand yet and He was driving me home to Washington so he could meet my family.
This is the first picture of our first trip to Washington together.
He wasnt thrilled that I was already camera happy. Hahaha
These are at the Silverdale Water Front Park. It was so pretty there. He loved it. He said how he would love to live in Washington one day.
(As we dated more we talked about living the Southern Washington, Northern Oregon area after he was done with school.)
This was his first trip the Shari's
We went to Seattle. He was looking forward to this trip.
Kyle and I showed him all over. It was really fun.
This Picture was taken on the Bremerton Boardwalk.
We were back at my Dad's house. This is one of my most favorite pictures of Spencer and I.
I don't know why I love it as much as I do.
I do love it though.
We went to my sister Wendi's house for dinner. It was really cool to see him interact with my family.
My nephew Matthew fell in love with Spencer.
He was being cute and flirty. It was so funny.
Every time I tried to get chapstick he would tickle me until I gave it back.
I was smitten.
The morning of the Temple trip at breakfast Matthew and Kyle put on a show.
We went to the Temple with my bother Ryan's ward.
This is my man in front of my Temple.
I love him.
This is him gassing up as we were leaving town.
At the Shari's in Twin Falls on the way home.
When we were driving to Washington Spencer was telling me about a blanket he had as a kid. It was his "green and white" He loved that blanket. He was so sad when they had to get rid of it. So when we got back I made him a new blanket. He loved it. He was excited to have a blanket that was big enough for him. :)
A couple Random Pictures....
October 24, 2010
Spencer Kissed me for the first time.
These are a couple of silly pictures from that day.
It was a day to remember.
He was so anti picture. I was so camera happy...
I just like this picture. I have a think about hats...
We had gone to the park for a date. It was so fun!
We played tag. We played on the toys.
It was a great ending to the day.
This was the first time that he let me be with him while he took his Chemo. It was a long night. I didnt leave until around 4am. He laid on the couch with his head in my lap. The meds made him so sick. He was scared that I would never want to see him again after that.
He is wearing the safety glasses for fun.
He got out his meds and then put on the glasses.
He then told me "Its about to get dangerous."
This is from the Slinky date!
This was a different date where we decided to make chocolate
pudding and eat it with graham-crackers. haha
Our First Christmas Together
This is him opening one of his presents from me. I put together a binder for sheet music for him to play that was fun.
He had Olivia for Christmas that year. He made her a scarf. I told him he needed to model it for me. He told me I wasn't to post these pictures on Facebook. haha. This isn't Facebook.
This was taken in January. We were babysitting Sophie for Katie and Ben. She was mucho in love with Spencer. I really can't blame her. He was something Special. She wouldnt let me sit by him. We ended up going to the store because we needed diapers. Sophie wouldnt let me walk with her. She wanted Spencer to hold her. It was so cute.
When we were talking into Wal-mart Spencer had Sophie in one arm and was holding my hand. He said with a huge smile on his face "We're going into the store with a baby to buy diapers." I didn't understand what the big deal was. As we drove back to my house he told me how he looked forward to being a dad. That he thought we would make good parents.
This was our first Valentines day. He made the card. I still have the roses on my dresser. They are dried and dusty but I still have them.
Second Trip To Washington
It was the 1 year anniversary of my Mom's death. Spencer drove me home to a family get together.
My Brothers took us shooting.
I tried to take his bed. He said no.
We stayed at Dedra's house the night before we drove home. We had a slumber party in the living room. He slept on the mattress on the living room floor. I slept on the couch. Spencer held my hand as we fell asleep. It was so sweet.
I loved the facial hair. It was so very attractive. Spencer liked it also.
He just didn't like that his family reacted to it.
I always thought he looked so handsome.
Sadly it only lasted a short time. :(
There aren't really Stories behind these Pictures. I just like them.
I took his phone from him. I started a fight that I lost. hahaha. I think this was right before I bit his arm. He then licked my face. I gave him back his phone.
This was a Sunday dinner. Alexa took this picture.
This was one of the reasons I didnt help with puzzles much after we had been dating a while. He told me I looked Pretty with all the pieces on me.... He is the one that put them there.
I walked away from my phone for 5 seconds and this is what I came back to.
Spencer fixed my hair for me. He said I was pretty with braided hair.
He wrote a love note on my foot when we were watching a movie.
This is after I read the love note.
I went into the kitchen to get something and he hid my purse. But fear not! He left a trail of everything that was in my purse to its location. It wasn't lost for long.
I was making dinner. He was playing on his phone.
He drew me pretty pictures while we were watching a movie. For a man that hated tattoos, he drew on me a lot.
I wanted pictures of us for Christmas cards... He wouldn't sit nice for any of them! I didnt sent out cards. He told me he would sit nice for them the next year. "Unless I'm dead, we'll take holiday pictures." I almost want to say he planned this...
I made Spencer the best Blanket Ever! It was a Scrabble Board! He loved Scrabble. The video is him Opening the present.
I loved that Sam and Spencer had matching Pajamies! They were so cute.
This was from Christmas Eve. The Kids were playing an unpracticed, impromptu concert.
Payton Painted out toes.
Almost a kiss
Spencer helped me place the Hearts on my walls for Valentines day...
I have these Roses hanging upside down from my curtains in my kitchen
It was the 2 year anniversary of my mom's death. Spencer didnt want me to be sad. He took me to St. George. We spent the night at Uncle Jason's house. It was really fun.
Spencer's Birthday! Can you guess what I got him?
I had bought this chair in February. I told him he wasn't going to get it until his birthday. I went to make dinner. He took the chair down the hall and put it together. The turd! He was so pleased with himself and how sneaky he was that I couldn't even pretend to be annoyed. He was so cute. I loved that chair.
In May Spencer's cancer came back.
The next 5 months and 2 weeks were very hard for him, his family, his friends and myself.
They were being Super Heros
We hiked the Y. It was the first and only time I ever hiked the Y with Spencer.
He had just gotten the first half of his Temple Recommend. He came over to show me. He then said. Lets take a couple of Pictures. He never wanted to take pictures. I was all up for it. He pulled me in close and took the first one. He then Took the very first Picture of us kissing.
There are only 2 pictures that were ever taken of us kissing. This is one of them.
This was a lunch date with Alexa when she was in town. She took this picture.
Our last 4th of July
This was our 2 year mark. I told him he had to take one picture with me. That this was going to be our last anniversary. After we took this picture. He said he was sorry that this was going to be our last one.
This was one of the last pictures taken of us while he was still alive.
This is in the drive way of his house. He was 18. That is my hand in his.
I told Spencer that i was going to make us a blanket that would be of all my scraps. He told me he would buy me pretty fabric if I would just make us a pretty blanket for when we got married. I told him no. This is that blanket.
Even with his mind going he still told me it was ugly and that he thought I should me pretty things. He's sweet. hahaha
This was the last picture of us taken while he was alive. I dont know who took it. I am just glad it was on my camera. We had fallen asleep. Who ever it was, Thank you.
Spencer Passed away in his sleep. I am so thankful that he was able to be released from this life. He was suffering so much towards the end. He was an amazing man. I count it to be one of my greatest blessings to have been loved by him.
Spencer was truly one in a million. I have never loved someone the way that I love him.
This was the last Picture of us taken together. I do not have words to express the love I have to this man. I am so thankful that I have had the chance to know him. He was the love of my life. He changed me in so many ways. I am a better person because of him. I have a better understanding of who I am and who I want to be. Spencer opened my eyes. I will never forget him. I will always be able to look back on what we had with such great happiness and joy. He was my everything. It feels like I now have nothing... that's not true. I have memories.