Monday, February 25, 2013

1096 days down, The rest of my life to go....

1096 days ago the world lost and amazing person. Since that day the world has also been a bit more sane. As hard as I try to fill that void, I fear that I will never be able to live up to my mom’s particular brand of crazy. I have too many A’s in my blood. (That brings on a different form of crazy.)

This year has been a tough one. I have needed Mom more than I have since she died. I have amazing sisters that have been there for me in every way. My brothers are there also. My Dad has been there to talk me of the cliff so many times. The only problem with talking with them is that they are all too nice. I need Mom to sit on the bed with me and tell me to “get your head out of your ass you dumb shit”.

I miss my Mom more than I have words to tell you. I would give anything to sit on the counter as she does her make up. I would love to go through pattern books at a fabric store picking out our next project. I would love to hear her giggle. I want to sing at the piano with her picking the songs. I want to have shrimp at midnight. I miss her sitting on the couch crocheting. I just miss her. It’s hard to believe that it’s already been 3 years. I feel like I haven’t really done anything that she would be proud of in that time. I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff though… Maybe that’s why I want to talk to her so bad. I want her to tell me what I need to do.

I am so thankful for Eternal families. I am so thankful that my parents were married in the Temple. I look forward to seeing my Mom again. I look forward to introducing who ever I marry to her. I can't wait for her to meet my children. She was one in a billion.

I miss her so much.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

4 months

It's been 4 months. I still can't believe he's gone. I miss him. I love Spencer so much. My heart hurts.