Monday, February 25, 2013

1096 days down, The rest of my life to go....

1096 days ago the world lost and amazing person. Since that day the world has also been a bit more sane. As hard as I try to fill that void, I fear that I will never be able to live up to my mom’s particular brand of crazy. I have too many A’s in my blood. (That brings on a different form of crazy.)

This year has been a tough one. I have needed Mom more than I have since she died. I have amazing sisters that have been there for me in every way. My brothers are there also. My Dad has been there to talk me of the cliff so many times. The only problem with talking with them is that they are all too nice. I need Mom to sit on the bed with me and tell me to “get your head out of your ass you dumb shit”.

I miss my Mom more than I have words to tell you. I would give anything to sit on the counter as she does her make up. I would love to go through pattern books at a fabric store picking out our next project. I would love to hear her giggle. I want to sing at the piano with her picking the songs. I want to have shrimp at midnight. I miss her sitting on the couch crocheting. I just miss her. It’s hard to believe that it’s already been 3 years. I feel like I haven’t really done anything that she would be proud of in that time. I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff though… Maybe that’s why I want to talk to her so bad. I want her to tell me what I need to do.

I am so thankful for Eternal families. I am so thankful that my parents were married in the Temple. I look forward to seeing my Mom again. I look forward to introducing who ever I marry to her. I can't wait for her to meet my children. She was one in a billion.

I miss her so much.


  1. There really isn't anything that sucks as much as losing a parent.

  2. I doubt if mom were to come back that's what she would say. She's in heaven now, so she has probably quit swearing. :)

    I think if you think our advice is too nice than perhaps there is more you should be telling me. Here are my two cents.

    I think advice-wise Gina, she would tell you....
    1. Put yourself out there even when if feels hard and horrible and you don't want to.
    2. Take care of your physical self to the degree that every day is like you are going to church or to a soire.
    3. Take a class at the college, and build your brain as you build your social circle.
    4. You are in the mormon single capital of the world. HANG OUT on campus. Spend lots of time in the library, force yourself into the activites on the campus, go to devotionals.
    5. You are doing a good job of your homemakeing skills....sewing and cooking.
    6. She is proud of you.
    7. She is closer to us then we realize and is actively concerned about us and our lives.
    8. We show our love to her by living the gospel.
    9. Her capacity for love for us has grown 10 fold.
    10. Attending the temple is the place to be.
    11. She likes Spencer and thinks he's nice, but that was not the path the Lord has for you. And that's ok.
    12. Growth comes through trials and sometimes trials stink.
    13. She loves you in ways she could not express here.
    14. She is sad she didn't see Le miserable. :)

  3. I agree with Heather. She's a wise sister, so listen to her. :) It's hard to lose a mom. It's been 17 years since I lost mine and I still miss her every day. Though I didn't have a very close relationship with her, I miss her quiet, sweet ways and the times that I did have with her. Keep your chin up, Gina. So many people love you and are rooting for you on both sides of the veil.