It was a stressful day. I dispatched for an actual this morning. I shouldn’t have been the one to do it. That just about gave me a heart attack. I don’t get scared anymore when I dispatch. I stay calm during actuals. I am good under pressure… Well, normally I am. As of late, not so much.
Today at work Julia called me her imaginary friend. Why? You ask… I don’t know. I thought I was real this whole time. Jokes on me. Ha!
I got to Spencer's house around 5:15 ish. He was laying on the couch in the study. He and I were sort of talking. He recognized me. He didn't ask until I'd been there for a couple of hours "You're Gina, right?" I said "Yes" he then said "Good". He's never called me Rachel. I really hope he never does. He's corrected his family before calling me by her name.
He asked what he did to deserve this. I tried to explain that this isn't a punishment. That he is an amazing person to be able to be done with his earthly work so soon. He asked why he just couldn't be normal. He just wanted to be able to understand. He asked why he couldn't understand several times. I tried to tell him that it was the cancer, not him. Then he asked "What's cancer?" I told him it was a sickness. That the sickness is in his brain. That this confused feeling would pass. He didn't understand at first. Once he did understand he asked when he wouldn't be sick anymore. I started crying. I told him soon. His lack of getting things brought him to tears several times through out the evening also.
He didn't understand when I told him I love him. I tried to explain. He then said "Do I love you?" I again cried and said "I hope so." he said "I think I do."
He would stare off and I asked what he was looking at. He didn't know. I asked if he saw people. He said he didn't know. I feel the vail is thinning for him.
He said his chest hurt. He was laying funny but he shouldn't have had chest pain. His breathing was weird also. I was scared.
We had pizza and salad for dinner. He won't eat unless someone else is eating too. He will eat until you tell him to stop. He doesn't know when he's full. His cousin Britny came over tonight. Everyone ate and visited. They played Monopoly. Spencer laid on the couch and I sat by him as we watched them play. It was fun.
Calli and Stephen went on a date. They needed to get out. I am glad they were able to get out. Sometimes you just need time with your husband. I know I feel that way about Spencer. Sometimes after a long day I just want to sit with him and hold his hand. It makes everything so much better.
I had a later night then I normally have. I am tired. I have to pick Courtney up from EFY tomorrow. I'm excited to hear how things went.
I love you.
ReplyDeleteI love you too
ReplyDeleteIt won't be long until he understands why he has been going through all of this. I don't think any of us really understand, but we will. I echo what Katie said. :)
ReplyDelete