Thursday, July 5, 2012

1 day that felt like 10

Today started out to be a good day. I rode my bike to work. Made it there in record time. I got a blog invite. Haha Dedra. I'm part of a club that you're not. It's called the cool kid club. This makes me Dad's favorite.

Then everything changed... Because I'm mental.

I had a melt down at work today. I had my head down on my desk. Norm asked how I was doing. I didn't know it was Norm. I responded with "Uncle Skip died last night. My boyfriend is dying of brain cancer. I'd love to talk about this with my Mom but she's dead too." I started to cry. I tried not to but I wasn't succeeding. Norm asked Julia what he could do. She said to send me home. Let me be with Spencer. No joke, 5 minutes later Norm and Josh told me to go home and be with my "husband". It was very nice of them. (Uncle Skip is my friend Rachael's dad. He passed last night with no warning. He had a blood clot that no one knew about.)

I went to the clinic at Vivint. The doctor gave me a prescription for crazy pills. My friend Tully works at the Walgreens pharmacy. He got me my $25 prescription for $10. It was nice of him.

It was raining so Julia gave me a ride home. It was very kind of her.

I spent the afternoon / evening at Spencer's house. He is really slipping. It makes me so sad. He keeps saying that he feels stupid. He will ask why he can't think. He asks what's going on or what we're doing all the time. I think I told him "You aren't stupid the Vance has just spread." or "The cancer is deep in your brain. That's why you can't think." maybe 20 times. I finally started telling him "This will pass. You will soon have a perfect knowledge. Then you'll be able to think." he would ask when. All I could say to him was "Soon" before I started crying.

Sam saw some stupid people shooting a hand gun out their car window up the canyon this afternoon. Calli told him to get home now and they called 911 to let the police know what happened right when Sam called her. The stress of that made Calli cry. It was hard. Spencer not knowing what was going on asked what he did to make her cry. What he needed to do to make it better. He is so kind and sweet. He didn't understand that it wasn't him. We told him many times that it was something different. He kept saying he was sorry.

After dinner and his evening meds I came home. I took my own meds and wrote in my journal. Now that this post is done I am going to head off to bed. Until tomorrow.

This day is ready to be over and I am ready to let it but before I do. I am going to share with you the last picture Spencer drew for me in Drawsome. The word is Wreck.


  1. Gina, I love you. I am sorry things are hard for you and Spencer. God loves you both. Maybe one of Spencer's next "callings" will be to speak with your mom about her amazing daughter who has the capacity to love and to help and to be thankful despite some pretty big challenges.

  2. I agree with Jo Rich. You are an amazing daughter, girlfriend and friend. Spencer will be in a better place, without pain. It's the rest of us who will have to move on. You're strong though and I know you'll be alright, if not better for the experience. I'm sorry about Rachael's dad. That is sad. My mom died of a blood clot too. I hope today is a better day. Hold Spencer's hand and tell him that you love him a million times. Even on the days he's confused, he'll know he is loved.

  3. he was so dang good at that game! i love ur guts!