A Wednesday to remember

This morning Spencer with 4 of his siblings came over for pancakes and eggs. We all sat around visiting. It was a nice morning. At 11:00 we all got in the car and went to the show. We say the Avengers. Alexis met us there. Sam, Hannah and Chris had all not seen it. It was fun.

We got home around 2:15ish. Just in time too. Spencer had a Doctor's appointment and my home teachers were coming over.

Spencer's appointment went well. He was able to talk to the doctor about him being dizzy all the time. They were able to talk about what Spencer has been up to. Making sure he is making memories. :) They gave him a couple new prescriptions. They are "just in case" stuff.

While he was there I was with my home teachers. They talked to me about the talk President Eyring gave about Mountains to climb. That has been the talk that I have read and reread since we found out the cancer was back. Listening to Jeff talk a just about cried. Them coming and talking to me about this very talk is proof to me that Heavenly Father is truly looking out for me. It's proof that prayers are answered.

I was able to look at Temple dresses today. That was very overwhelming. I think that I never want to do something like that alone ever again. You need a mom, sister or friend. I will go back when Dad and Dedra are here.

I was able to sit with Spencer for about and hour tonight. He was tired. He rested and I sat there. We held hands. I love it when he takes me hand and says "You know I love you right?" he makes me cry every time. He's nice. I wish I could keep him.

We had a good day. I like good days.

Also, I know I told Spencer I wouldn't post this picture but I love it so much. I need to share it. This is one he took of us at the lake. It was my first and only time there.

What a day

After work I went to Spencer's house. It was nice to see as I rode up that he was sitting on the porch with Sam. He was only there for a bit before he went up to lay down.

I sat by him until dinner time. We talked a bit. He was tired and not feeling well so he mainly rested.

Some people in his was brought him cookies. They were super hero cookies! They were tasty too.

He didn't come down for dinner. He wasn't hungry. Sam and I rode to my house do he could put air in Calli's bike tire. I came back for my backpack. Spencer walked me down stairs and then kissed me goodnight.

He had people coming over and I didn't want to be in the way. Spencer told me I needed to be with people. So I went to my ward's FHE.

I locked myself out of my house and Sam drove Spencer over to unlock my door. They're nice. Spencer took a bunch of pictures of us. Her hat is so not the norm for him. He was so cute about it. I am really glad he did that. He told me I can't post them... Sorry.

Today was a big day. Spencer got his Temple recommended. I got the first half of mine. He will be going through in a few days. I will be going through hopefully this weekend. It's been a big day.

Today was a good day

I went to my own ward today. Its good that I start doing that. I love Spencer's ward. I will need friends my age when all is said and done. I won't make friends if I don't go to my ward... It's hard. I would much rather be with Spencer than be social with others.

I was able to have dinner with his family. It was really good. Stephen makes a mean steak.

After dinner Lexi, Chris, Sam, Hannah, Spencer and I went on a walk. It was fun. We walked to Memorial Park and back. I took a nice picture of the 5 Hales kids that came.

After we got back Spencer wanted to lay down. I sat with him until 5:45ish. The bishop had come over to see him.

I spent the rest of the evening with my friend Aubrey. I was texting Spencer on and off. We even talked on the phone for a few minutes.

I sure love Spencer. Before we went on the walk we were in the study talking. He asked me to stay friends with his family. He asked if he could be there when I go through the Temple. He asked if it would be okay to see me get married. He told me he wants to be there. It was so sweet. I told he is invited to every major event in my life.

It's hard to talk about things like that. I know it's good that we can. I just makes everything so much more final.

I love him. I am going to miss him. I this. I also know that he will come see the roses. When we were walking we talked about the kind of roses he should be looking for.

Today was a good day.

A day in the life

So a day in my life...

I slept through my alarm this morning. I woke up to the alarm that is meant for me to leave my house do I'm not late. Thank heavens Sam and Spencer were able to take me and my bike to work.

Work was fine. I free write between alarms. I never know what it's about. I don't read it. It's just what is going through my brain. At the end of the day I couldn't tell you what I wrote. I do know that what I write shouldn't be read by anyone... So when I'd been emailing Spencer back and forth today I put the wrong email address and sent my free writing to Spencer not to myself. (This was a BAD thing)

Spencer was out with his friends tonight. I miss Spencer when he's not around. I am lucky that I get to see him almost everyday. I need to not be so selfish and learn to share. I missed him but was glad he was able to see his friends. :)

I was going to watch a movie with my friend Aubrey tonight because Spencer was out. I got a text from him asking me to come over. So I did. He read my whole email. He was sad and hurting for stressing me. I didn't knew I'd sent it to him. I didnt understand what was going on for the first little bit. I had him send me the email... I was not in a good place mentally today. That shows in my writing. I felt like the biggest jerk ever! I am crazy. For reals crazy. Not the "haha you're crazy girl." No. I. Am. Crazy. I explained things to him. I wasn't writing in whole thoughts. Once he knew the whole picture we were okay. If you don't speak crazy you can't really read it. He isn't crazy.
(Did any of that make sense? Proof!)

I sat with Spencer until 11:30. He was so tired. That's when I left.

So weirdo chased me for over a block! I only live 4 blocks from Spencer! I was so scared. I at first thought he was running to cross the street but then he turned and started coming after me. I yelled "What are you doing?" he just ran faster towards me. I put my bike in the highest gear and took off like a bat out of hell! I was so scared! When I got home I text Spencer. He called me to make sure I was really okay. He told me that i am not to ride my bike at night anymore. That I will be getting rides. I was shaking so bad what I got home. I haven't been scared like that ever in my life.

Spencer ad I went to the lake about 7 weeks ago. We took pictures and it was fun. I finally got some of those pictures tonight. He made
Me promise I wouldn't post them. So if you want to see them text me. I'll sent you them that way. :)

So the pictures I can post are just of him laying down tonight.... And son random ones. The "NO GINA!!!" is one of the few love notes I've ever gotten. Haha. He's nice.

The things that are...

Spencer was able to go out with his home teachers this morning. They took him for a drive up the Springville Canyon. He said it was fun.

He started feeling sick this afternoon. He rested for as long as he could. His tummy has been giving him issues.

We had plans with Derek and River.

Spencer called me right at 7 when I was about to head to his house so we could wait for them. He said how sorry he was for ruining the evening. I told him that he was fine. Derek and River weren't up set. They still went out on the date. I'd planned on spending my evening with Spencer anyway. I fail to see how the evening was ruined.

We didn't do much talking tonight. He laid in bed. I sat on the floor next to him. It was a good evening.

We might go to the show tomorrow. We might get to take his siblings to see the Avengers. Sam still hasn't seen it. Olivia needs to see it again. We'll see if Spencer is still up for it tomorrow.

Derek said he'd call Spencer tomorrow. I hope they get to have a man date tomorrow.

I don't have great pictures from today. Spencer kept catching me with the camera. I wasn't very sneaky today.

Short, sweet and to the point.

Today wasn't a great day in some ways and it was a good day in others.

Spencer got a new phone, he saw his grandparents on the Hales side and he was visited by his Home teachers.

He was in a very low mood. He was struggling today. It was hard to watch.

We were talking this evening and looking at pictures. I'd found my baby book and a picture of me just days old. I had one of him just days old too. We decided we would have had cute babies.

Hoping tomorrow is better.

So here are the pictures for today.

Such a good day!

Spencer text me at 6:20am. It was an early yet good morning. We made breakfast together. It was fun.

After breakfast he asked me if I'd be up for watching The Emperor's New Groove. It's one of his favorite movies. We watched it. It was nice to just chill.

I was able to get him to compromise with me about the interview. I have a tape recorder. He was more willing to talk when it wasn't on camera. Little does he know that I still recorded him on camera. While I was asking him questions and he was talking to my tape recorder his eyes were shut. He was tired. So I pulled out my camera and filmed him. I got a good 30 minutes of talking and maybe 15 of video.

We walked around the library. I was able to get a couple of pictures. (Seen at the bottom of the blog post. He looks grumpy. He doesn't like having his picture taken. Ha!) He said he'd not been there in a long time and wanted to walk around. We did.

We then walked to the Provo Bakery. I didn't know that it existed. He said he used to go there as a kid. He would get the orange sweet rolls or cookies. Today we got orange sweet rolls. They were tasty. :)

We hung out at his house for a bit. I went home around 2 ish.(Pictures at the bottom is the post) Spencer went to Sam somewhere. Spencer and I had dinner plans tonight. I needed to get ready anyway.

Spencer came over at 6 for dinner. I made chicken curry. It was stinking awesome let me tell you. I was well pleased and so was Spencer. He asked if he could eat more tomorrow. There was plenty of left overs so he'll be able to have more tomorrow.

Spencer and I were able to have one of the best conversations we have ever had tonight. In those moments I am reminded why I love him so much and how thankful I am to have him in my life. Spencer is one of the best people I have ever met. I am lucky to have him. Even if it was only for a little while.

I asked Spencer if he would dance with me as my birthday present because we spent my birthday in the hospital. (Spencer told me he had planned on driving me to Idaho for Shari's pie for my birthday. That didn't work out due to his brain trying to explode.) We danced tonight. Well, it was more we stood there and cried. Have you ever heard the song 'One More Day' by Diamond Rio? That's the song we danced to. I am crying again just thinking about it.

Spencer said dinner was his high. I would have to say the dance was mine. It was a good day.

A lost day

So I worked a 10 hour day today. I was so excited to get home. Once I got home I text Spencer. I said that I was home and to let me know when he was up for a visit.

At 7:30 I text Sam and asked if Spencer was awake. Spencer hadn't text me and Sam didn't respond until 9:43 :( When Sam did respond he let me know that Spencer was heading to bed.

I waited all day to see him and now I don't get to! I am so dumbed. I lost a whole day! A whole day! I am exhausted. I am emotional. I am missing Spencer. I just let a whole day slip through my fingers.

Why good came from today? Let's look...

I was able to find my tape recorder. It had a mic. It is a sensitive mic too. It should pick up Spencer's whispers. I can then hook it up and get digital copies for later.

I cleaned out the closet of my second bedroom.

I didn't let anyone die at work.

I ate pie.

That's it I'm thinking... That's better than an all bad day. Maybe tomorrow will be the best day ever. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up to Spencer wanting to have breakfast again. Maybe tomorrow... Maybe...

I found a picture that Spence drew on my toe back in early April. I thought I'd share it.

May 20, 2012

There are only 11 days left in May. This blasted month is almost over!

So I worked today. I made it to work in 25 minutes. That's my best time ever! Oh man, I forgot to tell Sam! I'll have to tell him tomorrow. Work was fine. Had a few grumpy people... Oh well.

I told Spencer I loved him randomly today. He responded with "Why?" That hurt my heart a lot. I wish he could see how good he is. I know this situation is part of the reason he responded like that. It still made me sad though. I wrote out a rather long email and sent it. I text him saying to check his email. When I got home he said he really appreciated the email and asked if I would come over.

I sat with Spencer as he slept on the couch for about 2 hours. He was just so tired. I was glad to be there. I take great comfort in watching he chest rise and fall as he is breathing. To hold his hand and feel him grip a little tighter sometimes. It's nice. I was sitting on the floor by the couch and I rested my he'd next to his. I started to cry. I had to sit back up.

I was able to be sneaky and record Spencer and I talking. I had the camera by his head as he was half asleep. We talked. The camera was filming the wall but at least I got him talking. :)

Sam took our picture. I was trying to take it but Sam felt like he needed to be in the picture too... We then decided he should take the picture. Haha.

Spencer had a rough day today. I hope tomorrow is better. I have seen such a huge change in the last week. Last Monday we hiked the Y. Tomorrow I am hoping he will be able to stay awake long enough to watch a movie. I love him so much.

Saturday fun

This morning l I woke up to my phone going off. I had received a text from Spencer "Good morning. I love you." Does it get better than that? I think not! But wait! He then asks if we could make breakfast together! It just got better. :)

Sam dropped Spencer off at my house around 8:45. We made biscuits and gravy for breakfast. Spencer hadn't ever had it until we started dating. It's now one of his favorites.

*Side note* We were out at a restaurant one time and that's what he ordered. When he tried it he said mine was better that was fun.

After breakfast we walked back to his house. We sat out on the porch for a while. Uncle Cody and Aunt Wanda came by with treats. That was fun. Spencer said there visit was the high of his day.

He went to lay down for a bit. He had plans with Derek at 5 and wanted to be rested. I went home at that point.
I went out with my visiting teachers and Spencer went on his Man Date. I got a text at 7:35 that said "Stupidest movie I ever remember seeing" so i'm going to guess we aren't seeing BattleShip. Ha!

At 9:20 Sam, Chris and Spencer came to pick me up. I cut their hair. It was needed. That all look so cute. All but Sam. He's gorgeous! (Every time I said he was cute he corrected me.) when they dropped me off Spencer said thanks for the hair cut. That he loved me and then gave me a kiss that hardly touched my lips. It was so stinking sweet!

Some where in there Sam fixed my
Bike and I cleaned out my second bedroom. It was such a good day. I only took one picture today. :( I got caught up in all the fun. Here is my lone picture.

I work tomorrow. Not excited.

My day in a nutshell

Heather was racing me out the door this morning. It was so funny. She won because she is highly educated.
Work seemed to drag on and on! I think it's because I have tomorrow off. I was so glad to be done with the day. I'd helped with training. It's the blind leading the blind! It's fun though.

Today Hannah Hales turned 14. When I met her she was 12. It is weird to me that she is 14 now.
After work Katie gave me a ride to The store than to Spencer's house.
I gave Hannah her flowers an Spencer wrapped her present.
We had Brick Oven Pizza for dinner. It was yummy.
After dinner Hannah opened presents. Spencer and I had gotten her the flowers and then seeds for an herb garden. She plants things in cups and pots outside. She's got a bit of a green thumb. She seemed to like the seeds.
After presents we went for a walk. Not a crazy long walk. It was about 2 1/2 miles. Spencer kept saying he was fine but I think he over did it. Web we got home he Tom his meds and then went to lay down.

It was a fun evening. I have to say though my favorite part of the day was when he was laying down. I sat by him and we talked for about an hour. I told him some of my favorite memories from when we met and had just started dating. We talked about our dream house. What it would look like. What we would be doing in 25 years. Things we've talked about before but now seem so much more important.
We decided about 6-8 ish months ago that when we had kids their baby blankets would all have the same pattern but different colors for each kid. That as they grew and got bigger beds I would make them new blankets. They would look the same. The pattern and colors wouldn't change but they would go from crib to twin to full to queen. Then when we were done having kids we would make us a blanket that is the same pattern as the kids blankets but using each of their colors. We decided tonight that I should still do that even though it won't be for Spencer and I.

I am so glad that I was able to see Spencer today. I am looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow. I am hoping we get to do the video interview. Keep your fingers crossed.

These are some pictures from Hannah's birthday stuff.

Pear Pie

There are a few things about Spencer that will win him over every time. 2 of these things are:

1. He love having his arm or back tickled. Its his favorite thing.
2. Pears. He loves them. They are his favorite fruit.

I had told Spencer that I wanted a mini pie maker for my birthday. We spent my birthday in the Hospital. (Actually was one of my better birthdays believe it or not.) So I didn't get my pie maker. :(
Heather and Dad were here for a few days. Heather bought me the pie maker! Cool right? RIGHT!
Last night for dinner I make all kinds of pies! They were good. I made my own crust and everything.

I made pear pies and took them to Spencer. He loved them. Then I tickled his arm until I had to go home. Needless to say, I'M THE FAVORITE. I was only there of a short time last night. Maybe only an hour.

He'd spent the day seeing family in Payson. He listened to his grandparents tell stories. He really liked it.

I'm so glad I was able to see him for those few minutes. I'm so glad he could see family. Yesterday was good.

Stress and Craziness

So I am stressing. Not a big shock right? I'm not stressing because of Spencer. I am stressing over this whole situation. This situation sucks. This morning Spencer wasn't up for anything. We'd planned on doing the interview. He said later because he just couldn't do it. He's hurting. I get that. I just wish I knew what to do to help. I would take this from him in a heart beat if I could.
This evening I was finally able to see him. I sat next to him as he was resting. He seemed to be in a bad mood. I sat with him for about 90 minutes before he said hi back.
He doesn't want to take his pain meds. I find that to be brave but at the same time, you don't get awards for suffering. I worry about him.

Around 6 ish he decided we should go down stairs. We sat on the porch for a little bit. It was nice to talk to him. I also was able to take a few pictures. He's cute.

When it was time for dinner I left. I have family in town so I went to have dinner with them. We went out for dinner and the frozen yogurt. We brought some back to Spencer. He liked it a lot. I'm glad for that.

I am glad I was able to see Spencer. I sure love that man.

I don't have a name

After work yesterday Spencer came over for about 2 1/2 hours. He has dinner with my Dad, sister and I. It was nice.
Spencer went home early because he wasn't doing so hot. He said the pain wasn't that bad. It was the numbness and the dizziness thats were hard. He'd been off pain killers all day.
Needless to say I am worried about him.
I asked him to marry me last night. He told me no this morning.
We had plans to do the video interview this morning also. He asked if we could do it later... I am pushing the entrance of freak out mode. It's still early though.

The Y

After work today I came over to Spencer's house. (Shocker) Spencer was laying down. I sat by him for about 45 minutes before we were called down for dinner.
After we ate dinner someone said we should hike the Y. I think it was Sam. So Sam, Hannah, Spencer and I all hiked the Y.
It was fun. Spencer was an hour late taking his meds. He still smiled for each of the pictures as best he could. We all were able to talk, joke around and laughed. It was really fun.
I am glad that we went. Here are some of the pictures we took. I haven't hiked the Y in over 4 years. I'm glad I could have the chance to hike it with Spencer.

Happy Mothers Day

This morning I called dad to wish him a happy Mothers day. Since mon passed away and I don't have kids, I didn't know it was mothers day until one of my sisters told me.

I went to church with Spencer's family. I didn't hate the talks. I was numb. I like hearing people talk about their mothers because I know mine was so much cooler. It does make me miss mom like crazy though.

I was a mess all day. I cried because I missed my mom. I cried over Spencer. I cried when I'd talk to Calli. I cried when I talked to Spencer. I cried. It's a mess!

I am so thankful for mothers. I have a few in my life that I couldn't live without. I have amazing women that I can talk to and ask advice. They teach me and are patient with me. I am so thankful for these women that have stepped up to the plate and are helping me be the woman I know I should be.

I look forward to being a mother so I can teach my children the things that I have been so lovingly taught.

Sunday Sunday

Spencer wasn't able to go to church today. This morning he kidding seem to be able to really move his head. He seemed to be in a lot of pain.

After church we were all sitting outside on the porch. It was nice. We talked and he protested the whole time I had my cameras out. He is still anti picture. Yeah, he didn't get to say no pictures now.

His aunt came over for a few minutes before dinner and his grandparent on the Hales side came over after. He received a nice blessing from his dad and grandpa.

Spencer spent time talking with all of his siblings and we played cards for a bit. It was a nice evening.

This whole day was good. The best part was getting to make Spencer smile. He would say "boo" I would say "eek!" he then would smile and say "gers" he thought it was funny every time. I sure live him.

The sun hurts his eyes but he was outside because it was nice. These are a few pictures I was able to take.

What a day!

Spencer text me this morning at 7:22. He went to the Temple ground breaking. He said it was really cool. He got home around 10:30ish.

He text me again at noon saying I should come over. He was laying down because of the days events that had already passed. I sat by his bed holding his hand for about 2 hours. He looks so peaceful when he's resting.

This afternoon Uncle Jason and Aunt Maryann came over. They live in St George. They took us to ice cream. Uncle Jason told Spencer if he wanted to go on a trip anywhere he would fit the bill! How cool is that! Jason is a really nice guy. I like him mucho.

After ice cream I came home. Derek and River were coming over for dinner and I still needed to make food. Spencer laid down again for a bit. Derek was nice and picked him up to bring him here.

We had a good dinner and then watched a movie. We are all getting so old. River was the only one who didn't fall asleep! Hahaha. It was a fun evening though.

It's not just after 10pm and I am so tired that I can't keep my eyes open! Spencer is home and in bed. Our friends are home. I am ready for some sleep too.

It was a good day. Spencer was busy and was in a good number of pictures. This one is of him resting when I first came over today. I love him mucho.

First day back to work...

Have I ever mentioned that work cramps my style? Well it does! I want to be paid and not be there. I have other, more important things I should have been doing.

Here is my list of things I could have been doing.

Sleeping
Sitting next to Spencer as he slept
Had breakfast with Spencer
Gone on a walk with Spencer
Took pictures with Spencer
Held Spencer's hand
Made Spencer lunch
Sat with Spencer as he took a nap
Listened to Spencer play the piano
Watch a movie with Spencer
Sit outside with Spencer
Make Spencer dinner

Ask me if I was able to do any of that! The answer is no.
Once I got home from work I

Sat with Spencer as he ate his dinner
Talked about the last date we went on
Held his foot as he laid down because he's tired from his day.
Him trying to tickle me
Helped him take his meds.

He's so tired in the evenings. On the days that I work I am going to miss everything. I wish I didn't have to worry about bills. Being an adult stinks!

This picture isn't great. He is resting and he is holding my foot. He tickles me every so often. He's sweet. I sure love him. I'm going to miss him so much.

Thoughts?

I have a list of questions that I want to ask Spencer. I also have stories I want him to tell me. I am going to make a video of him answering these questions and telling me these stories. I did this when Mom was dying. It was the best thing I've ever done.
This what I've come up with.

Favorite color
Favorite food
Favorite place to eat
Favorite calling you've had
Favorite Hymn
Fun memories with siblings collectively and individually, parents, grandparents
Favorite memory of us
Times as a child
Birthdays
Holidays-Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Halloween, New Years.
School teachers - names, did you like them? Why?
If you could travel anywhere where would you go and why
Favorite game on your phone
Favorite phone you've had
Your first computer
Favorite bike ride
Favorite movie
A good time with the Guys
How did you meet Derek, Tyler and Blake
Favorite family trip of vacation.
The time you went to Disneyland and Disney World.
The cruise you an your family went on.
The story of your brain hemreage
The Sunday your head started hurting again.

Do you have any to add?

Day 1

Today is the first day of the next few months. The days will be fun. They will be adventurous. They will be exciting. They will be full of pictures and memories.

I will be able to look back on these days with fondness, with joy and will be happy.

This is my plan