Thinking

I have been thinking a lot lately of all the things that I have had to relearn how to do. I knew that I relied on him for a lot of things. I just didn’t know how much until he wasn’t there anymore.

Electronic anything was something that he did. When I got a different entertainment center I had to move all my stuff on my own. He had it wired in a special way. I had to take notes as I was taking it apart so I could put it back together the way he had it. It took me a longer time than it should have. I tried the other day to fix my phone myself… I ended up breaking it more. The internal memory was getting full. I deleted things that I shouldn’t have. I lost a lot of phone numbers. I lost text messages. Settings were reset to weird things. I have no idea what I did or how to fix it.

I haven’t been grocery shopping alone in over 2 years. Spencer and I were an only married couple. We worked on puzzles. We stayed home most evenings. Our date nights were us making dinner together, cleaning up, maybe watch a movie, play cards or we would go grocery shopping. Sounds exciting right? Spencer and I were able to talk. We really know each other. That is something that I have always been thankful for. I haven’t really been grocery shopping since his cancer came back. I have been to Smiths to get milk and lettuce. That’s about it. The whole time I have to be on the phone too.

Spencer would be at my apartment all the time. We were together every moment that we could be. Now that he is sick I go over to his house right when I get off work until my bed time. He used to be at my house from after work until bed time. My favorite thing in the world was when I would get home and he would be there. I loved coming home to him. I could have had the worst day ever, seeing him when I got home made every stress fall away. He is my happy.

There are other things that I am having to relearn. I am not looking forward to the next year or so.