It’s that time again. I really do well about posting and then I get in a rut and think “blah! I don’t love my blog.” Well I have decided to overlook my momentary distaste for my blog and post something.
I brought over the ugly blanket to show Spencer. As far as I could tell, he thought it was neat. He told me he was sorry for ruining everything. I told him he ruined nothing. That this blanket will still be used. He was able to see it. There is nothing ruined. He didn’t want to have his picture taken. I told him he had to. He said that I wasn’t to post it. So, sadly you won’t get to see said picture.
School started again. I didn’t realize how much more traffic there would be. My ride to work has become more interesting. Now I have to watch for crazy teen drivers too. haha. I am amazed on how many kids drive. I don’t remember that many people driving when I was in high school. Whatever.
My allergies were going crazy for a couple of days. (It’s rained and I feel much better now.) Spencer asked what was wrong because I was sniffing. He thought I was crying. I told him I was fine that I would be better when it rained. He asked if he would be better too when it rained. That he was tired of being sick. I really did start crying after that. It was heart breaking. That was a couple of days ago.
I have discovered that you can’t read a book on your electronic device but you are able to read a magazine at your desk. That made zero sense to me. Oh well, I was able to read almost the whole Ensign at work today. Ha!
Last night Spencer was awake and we were talking… sort of… He was asking his normal round of questions trying to figure out what was going on. After he decided that he hated everything I started asking him questions.
I asked Spencer if he knew what was still holding him to this life. He said he didn’t know but he wished he did.
I asked Spencer if he was scared. He was quiet for a moment. He was frustrated and said that he didn’t know.
I asked if he was ready. He said Yes.
I asked if he knew that he is loved. He said he wasn’t worth it. I said “That is not what I asked you. I asked if you knew you were loved. Not if you thought you were worth it.” He said Yes. I then explained to him that he is worth loving.
I asked if he remembered the first time he told me he loved me. He said no. I told him the story. He said he was sorry for not remembering.
I asked him if he remembered the slinky date. He smiled and said yes. I started to cry. I was so happy. The slinky date was fun. We’d only been dating a couple of months. It was getting chilly outside. I had made us stew for dinner. We then raced slinkies down the stairs at the apartments I was living at, at the time. In the trunk of my car I had put 2lt bottles of Diet coke and a 12 pack of cans. I had Mentos in my pocket. We made soda fountains and bombs at the park. It was so fun! When we got back from the park we were sticky. It was a mess. We then finger panted with different colors of pudding and then ate it with graham crackers. He painted my face a little. My roommate at the time made us call a truths before it got too messy. Haha. It was really fun.
I asked him if he remembered all the puzzles we worked on while we were getting to know each other. He said yes. I was so glad.
I know that he will have a perfect knowledge when he dies. I know that he will be able to remember everything. It doesn’t stop it from hurting when he doesn’t remember big moments. I am glad that he remembers other things though. It’s funny, without the puzzles we wouldn’t had had the slinky date. Without the slinky date we wouldn’t have ended up talking about visiting Washington. Without the trip to Washington we wouldn’t have worked our way up the “I love you” stage. Maybe he just remembers the important moments that lead up to the big ones. See even now he is teaches me perspective. He’s a turd. I love him.
After my Mom died I was scared. I knew that I would be able to see her again. I just needed to remain faithful to what I knew was right and true. I am not going to pretend that I didn’t go a little crazy after she died because I did. After much soul searching, prayer, fasting and a lot of help from Spencer and my family I have found a deeper understanding of the Gospel and the Plan of Salvation. I know that when I pray that Heavenly Father hears the word I say. I also know that sometimes He wants to tell me to “SHUT UP”. I know that I will get to see my Mother again. I know this. I know that my family is an Eternal one. There will be a party on the block labeled “Kent and Charlet Anderson’s Family” It will be loud, fun and you wish you were invited. Haha. The last 2 ½ years have taught me a great deal. I am sad to be losing Spencer. I am. The thought of him not being here brings me to tears every time. He has a great work to do. He will be able to be a missionary. He is an amazing teacher. He is so kind and patient. He has an understanding of the gospel that will help him in the next life.
I was scared when Mom died. I am not so scared with Spencer dying. ( I am scared for him to meet mom. He thought the rest of us were nuts. He’s going to meet the Mama of the crazies!) I am sad but I am not scared. I am so thankful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I don’t think that I would have been able to handle this life without the truths and the knowledge that the church has provided me.