Time has been on my mind. When someone says "We've known each other for 25 years." The response generally is "Wow, that's a long time."
When someone says "He passed away at 25." The response is generally "Oh, he was so young."
It's the same amount of time. It's 25 years. It's all in how you look at it. Spencer is 25. We've been together for over 2 years. Dating someone for 2 years is a "long time". As I sit next to Spencer, holding his hand, it doesn't feel like its a long time.
He told me today that it wouldn't have been fair to me if we'd gotten married. That I shouldn't marry someone with cancer. That shocked me when he brought it up. I reminded him that the cancer has never been an issue for me. He said he knew that. That he still thinks that I shouldn't have to deal with it. That I need someone that will take care of me. That it isn't fair to me that I sit with him and do nothing. He feels like he's wasting my time. He then said he was sorry for being like this.
I told him that there are no sorry's and no regrets. That he isn't wasting my time. He keeps me company during my time off.
The doctors said we had at best 6 months. That was 5 months ago. When someone tells you that you only have 6 months to live its hard to think that you only have such a short time. When someone says "Ensign Ranch is in 6 months." That 6 months is an ETERNITY!
The last 5 months have been a huge growing experience. It has straightened my testimony of the Plan of Salvation. It has let Spencer and I talk about the memories we have made together. It has grown me up more than I ever thought possible. It has been a long but at the same time a very short 5 months.
I know this post has probably made zero sense. I'm sorry for that. I just wanted to ramble for a minute.