A song that Calms you Down

I don't really have a song that will calm me down.I have been trying to think of something that I could put here.

When I get home from work, during my 10 minutes to myself and while I am making dinner before Joseph gets home, I listen to a mix of Billy Joel and Neil Diamond. So I don't really have one song that calms me down. It's more like 100 ish.

Jonathan Livingston Seagul is probably my favorite to listen to right when I get home. This music is fun and easy to listen to.

A song that reminds you of one/both your parents

Mom had a few go to songs when she would be sitting down at the piano. If she was just messing around at home or if she was in a public place. She would start with Old McDonald. It would be played like she was a beginner. It was like she was showing you that she had just figured it out. Then she would boogie woogie the song.  As heard in the clip

Until my mom died we would sing around the piano. Mom would play fun songs and that would entice (trick) us to come sing. (I say trick because we wouldn't know sometimes that we were practicing for a "special" musical number in church until a couple of days (or the day of) before.) Mom would play Old Lamp Lighter and that would generally get most of us to come to the piano. Then She would play Here Am I. I loved to hear Dad sing this. I sadly only have a copy of him singing it where I am singing also. No one needs to hear that. So, I have a clip of my dad singing Old Lamp Lighter.

A song that reminds you of your most recent Ex-boyfriend

My last ex-boyfriend would be Joseph. I had to EX him out of the boyfriend category in order to place him in the husband category. Bam Win!

One of the m any trips to the grocery story that was taken while Joseph and I were dating something amazing happened. Kyle decided to be a brat! Okay that isn't really all that amazing. Anyway, Kyle Joseph and I were driving to Winco. We were listening to a Disney mix CD that Kyle has made. A Whole New World from Aladdin Started playing. Until then, kyle and i had been singing along with every song that had played. I paused the CD and asked Joseph if he would be my Aladdin. He wasn't thrilled at the idea of just jumping in to sing. Kyle tried to tease him to get him to sing. Joseph isn't that kind. As soon as someone starts pushing, it becomes a brick wall. He will not be moved. I then told him is made me sad that he wouldn't sing with me. he still wasn't going to be a part of this. Kyle and I sang along with the song. We all went Grocery shopping time passed. Joseph was given a copy of the Disney CD. Where in secret he had been practicing Aladdin's part! We were on a drive and he said "I have something for you" I was scared. he changed the CD in his car and put it on tack 5. When A Whole New World started playing. He started singing!!! When the song was over he told me that he had been practicing since that trip to Winco. Now when ever I hear that song all I can thing is "Aww Joefluff is my Aladdin."

A song from my Childhood

I as thinking about this. What part of my childhood is this question referring to?

I asked Joseph and he told me that it would be anytime before the age of 8. That helped some....

We made Candy when I was a kid. That is something that I have posted about before. When we would be working we would listen to lots of different music. Something that Sticks out in my brain the most is that Dedra would often wake us up by playing 9 to 5 By Dolly Parton REALLY LOUD. We would all Stumble out of bed and tumble to kitchen. Our cup of ambition was 315 degree candy that we would pour into the molds. We would be yawning and stretching trying to come to life. After very one had taken showers and the blood was pumping we would work ALL day, not just 9to5. But what a way to make a living. We were all driven a little crazy in the process. We wanted to move ahead, do different things but the boss (mom) wouldn't let us until we were older. hahah

I just listened to that song and in my brain I saw Dedra Singing 9to5 being funny in the way she danced and boogied down the hall. Good times.

The next 25 days

I have been talking with my sister Dedra and my brother Ryan. We have chosen to accept the 25 song, 25 day challenge. I am really excited about this! At the same time I am really nervous. What if you are so jealous of my song choices that i have ruined your life? What if you are so jealous of my awesomeness that you start to cry yourself to sleep every night? What are you going to do when you figure out that the World really does revolve around me?

I know that these are going to be some tough things to face but.... I think that I am ready.

So here goes.

Dear Vanessa

I assume that it is you because all of my hits are from PA. Hahaha

I will return to the world of blogging one day. As for now, I am a newly wed  and am still settling. My priorities are geared more towards Joseph at the moment. ;)

Fear not, i have a feeling that I will be posting more do to a bossy sibling (Dedra)

1 Year Later

October 18, 2012 - I was getting ready leave for the weekend. The Boise Temple Open house was going on that weekend.  Had he been feeling up to it, he said he would want to go. As the time got closer to the event, we knew that he wouldn't be able to come with me. ) I reminded Spencer that I would be gone for the weekend.

October 19, 2012 – I got the oil changed in my car. I picked up a hat and eye patch at the store. I was going to make Spencer be a pirate with me for Halloween. At 3:00pm I sent to his house. I kissed him on the cheek, told him that I love him and that I would be back on Monday to see him. He was asleep. He was snoring cute little baby snores with his mouth open a little. He was so cute. I wanted to go see my family. I also didn't want to leave Spencer. I was so scared for this trip.

October 20, 2012 - One year ago at 5:40am I received a phone call from Spencer's Mom. She informed me that He had been called home. I just sat on my brother Ryan's couch crying and in shock. I spent the next couple of hours calling people in my family to update them. I can't even fathom what was happening at the Hales House. I know what I was going through but I can't even begin to know what they were going through.

I was so thankful that I was with my family when everything happened. I wouldn't have been able to handle anything if I had been home alone. Dedra came back with me for the next week. I was so glad to have her at the funeral.

This last year has just flown by. I look back and can't even say where the time has gone. I have been saying out loud "Spencer's been dead for a year." over and over again. Even though it's been a year, it's still hard to believe. I really have a hard time wrapping my brain around it. I am still working at the same job. I am still living in the same apartment. I have the same friends. I do a lot of the same things. I am going to school now. Kyle is living with me. With so much still the same, I keep wanting Spencer to show up at my house and say "I missed you and I'm back now." I still wish we could have gotten married. Just so that I would have been able to have the option of being sealed either later in this life or after my own death. It makes me cry that I don't really have the promise of forever with him.

I still think about him every day.  My heart hurts still. I will have dreams about him sometimes. When I wake up I just cry. It's like its day one again. I still haven't been able to take down the pictures I have of us in my house. I still have the roses he gave me for Valentine's Day dried and hanging upside down from the curtains in my kitchen.  I still have things the recipes that he wanted us to try taped to my kitchen wall. I won't make BBQ chicken, French toast of biscuits and gravy because he loved them.  It hurts my guts too much. Whenever I hear Muse on the radio I cry still. I don't enjoy working on puzzles anymore. There are so many things that bring up good memories. I still love him so much.  Knowing that I can't make any more memories with him and that we don't have forever is what I think, hurts the most. He was the most amazing person. He brought so much joy to my life. He has changed me in so many ways. We were able to be there for each other. There wasn't anything we weren't willing to do or sacrifice for each other. He was the other half of my Orange.

Spencer made my promise that I would get married and have children. He told me that I had to love my husband. He told me I had to sing to my children. I trusted him with everything. We could talk about anything. There was nothing that we couldn't say to the other.  We truly understood each other. I love him. I know that is something that will never change. He will always have a special place in my heart. He was my everything.

I know I need to move forward. He wanted that for me. I also want that for myself. I am taking baby steps towards the things that I eventually want in this life. It just hurts more than I expected it to… move on without him next to me.