Happy Birthday Spencer

Today would have been Spencer's 26th birthday. He would have told me that we are the same age finally! Then on my birthday he would have informed me that he'll catch up on day. He was silly.

Birthdays weren't a big deal at my house growing up. Spencer and I didn't really do presents but we went to dinner and would just hang out at home. Birthdays were more of a party at his folks house. His mom made a special dinner. She would decorate the table all fancy. It was always fun.

I know that I say this often but I really do miss Spencer. I miss how he would get so excited when he would get home from work and dinner was ready. I miss how when he would "help" me do the dishes he would end up just standing behind me resting his head on my shoulder with his arms around my waist. I miss him telling me he loves me. I just miss him as a whole.

I have gone through my pictures. I have found a few that I like. I think I have posted some of them before. I'm not sorry. These are just some of my favorite pictures of Spencer.

Happy Birthday to Spencer Stephen Hales. He was and still it my favorite. I love him.

1096 days down, The rest of my life to go....

1096 days ago the world lost and amazing person. Since that day the world has also been a bit more sane. As hard as I try to fill that void, I fear that I will never be able to live up to my mom’s particular brand of crazy. I have too many A’s in my blood. (That brings on a different form of crazy.)

This year has been a tough one. I have needed Mom more than I have since she died. I have amazing sisters that have been there for me in every way. My brothers are there also. My Dad has been there to talk me of the cliff so many times. The only problem with talking with them is that they are all too nice. I need Mom to sit on the bed with me and tell me to “get your head out of your ass you dumb shit”.

I miss my Mom more than I have words to tell you. I would give anything to sit on the counter as she does her make up. I would love to go through pattern books at a fabric store picking out our next project. I would love to hear her giggle. I want to sing at the piano with her picking the songs. I want to have shrimp at midnight. I miss her sitting on the couch crocheting. I just miss her. It’s hard to believe that it’s already been 3 years. I feel like I haven’t really done anything that she would be proud of in that time. I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff though… Maybe that’s why I want to talk to her so bad. I want her to tell me what I need to do.

I am so thankful for Eternal families. I am so thankful that my parents were married in the Temple. I look forward to seeing my Mom again. I look forward to introducing who ever I marry to her. I can't wait for her to meet my children. She was one in a billion.

I miss her so much.

4 months

It's been 4 months. I still can't believe he's gone. I miss him. I love Spencer so much. My heart hurts.

I'm awesome... yeah....

I don't curl my hair very often. I am accident prone. I always seem to burn myself. They blistered and are lame. At least I looked hot for church.

There is the one that hit the tip of the curling iron in the middle of the inside of my wrist. There is also the 2 inch burn that hit the side of my arm just above my wrist where the barrel attacked me.

They are horrible and painful.

Surprise Picture

I received an email from Spencer's Dad that contained 2 pictures from when Spencer went through the Temple. They made me cry today at work. I love seeing pictures of us that I've never seen before.

December 16, 2012

As I sat in church today I looked around at all the young, happy, newly married couples. I just cried. It a painful reminder that I don't have Spencer sitting next to me holding my hand. I miss him so much.

We had our Christmas program today. It was nice. Spencer knew how much I dislike Christmas music. He would always tease me. The Christmas program was great in his eyes because he would be silly and tease me the whole time. I miss that.

I like my family ward for the most part. It's a good for the girls. The ward doesn't have a ton of youth. The doubled the young women. Haha. It's a good ward.

Happy Christmas

That phone call I can't make

I bought new clippers today. I needed them. I bought my dream clippers. They are the ones that I have wanted for 8 years. As I picked up my phone to call Spencer to tell him the great news I remembered that I can't call him anymore.

I still check my phone all the time hoping he's text me.

I sure miss that man.