Here’s the thing. I have tried many times to post on my blog but nothing ever seems to be of worth. I know that in the past my posts have been fluff mixed with stuff. Lately, nothing seems noteworthy. I haven’t been writing in my journal. There is nothing worth writing.
Work has been the same. They are really understanding about my mental state. Sometimes they let me go home early because I just need to. I don’t sleep a whole lot. I get a few hours a night and then sip Diet Coke in the morning. That way I can function. The moment that I get home, I am wide awake. It’s like I am scared to fall asleep because the next day will come. Then when the day comes, I take a deep breath and get up.
I wake up and get ready for my day. I smile when I need to . I laugh when someone tells a joke. I cry sometimes with I am alone. I am less talkative. Over all I am okay though. I am going through the motions of life. Some days I have to force things. Some days I don’t. I feel very blessed that I was able to do most of my mourning with Spencer holding my hand. Even towards the end he kept trying to take care of me. I love him so much.
Today would have been my Mom’s 65th birthday. We never did birthdays at home. Dad would have bought a flower on his way home from work. They would have gone on a date to the Grocery store or maybe to the Sizzler. If Heather and Farrell happened to double with them, they would have gone to Azteca. Nothing Special.
Mom, Lynn, Sherla, Grandma Price, and several other fun people are on the other side Veil. Spencer just joined the group and I feel like I am missing the party.