It has been 10 months since Spencer passed away. I still feel like I am just going through the motions of life but it is getting easier.
In the last 10 months I have visited home, had family visit me, made blankets, moved Kyle to Utah, Went to 10 of the 16 Temples in Utah, Spent lots of time with my family, tried to date again (I HATE dating so much), got a second job and have started school.
I am trying to keep busy. Sometimes it will hit me hard that he is actually gone. Then it will feel like it just happened. I feel like I am starting from square one again. I will visit him I take a breath and just keep moving forward.
I was talking to one of my friends at work today. He told me how great he thinks it is that I am able to openly talk about Spencer’s death and how comfortable I am. He doesn’t get that sometimes I just need to talk. I miss Spencer so much. I miss the conversations we would have. I miss him just being in the other room as I did dishes. I love him so much still.
The last 10 months have really been a learning experience for me. Learning to do things on my own is still something I struggle with. (I still forget that he isn't right behind me when I walk into the grocery store. I miss bumping my bum with the cart then giggling.)
This post is just ramblings of my brain at the moment. I don’t know if it even makes sense or not. I haven’t proof read any of this. What everything boils down to is that I miss Spencer. I can't hardly believe that he has been gone for 10 months.