8/20/2013

It has been 10 months since Spencer passed away. I still feel like I am just going through the motions of life but it is getting easier.

In the last 10 months I have visited home, had family visit me, made blankets, moved Kyle to Utah, Went to 10 of the 16 Temples in Utah, Spent lots of time with my family, tried to date again (I HATE dating so much), got a second job and have started school.

I am trying to keep busy. Sometimes it will hit me hard that he is actually gone. Then it will feel like it just happened. I feel like I am starting from square one again. I will visit him I take a breath and just keep moving forward.

I was talking to one of my friends at work today. He told me how great he thinks it is that I am able to openly talk about Spencer’s death and how comfortable I am. He doesn’t get that sometimes I just need to talk. I miss Spencer so much. I miss the conversations we would have. I miss him just being in the other room as I did dishes. I love him so much still.

The last 10 months have really been a learning experience for me. Learning to do things on my own is still something I struggle with. (I still forget that he isn't right behind me when I walk into the grocery store. I miss bumping my bum with the cart then giggling.)

This post is just ramblings of my brain at the moment. I don’t know if it even makes sense or not. I haven’t proof read any of this. What everything boils down to is that I miss Spencer. I can't hardly believe that he has been gone for 10 months.

My Spot

Chris: You’re in my spot.
Me: No I’m not.
Chris: Yes you are.
Me: I sat here yesterday
Chris: I didn’t work yesterday, did I?
Me: I have sat here all week!
Chris: I’m calling BS on that one.
Me: I’ve sat in this general area. You’re Name isn’t anywhere on this desk. It’s not your spot.

Chris then leans over me and writes a little note on my desk.

…. I love my coworkers. Hahahaha.

Things that Make me happy...

These are some funny things that were said in conversation at work either to me or around me. HAHAHA I love my job and the people I work with!

No, I forgot to unplug my heat ray that will melt my couch to pieces and set my house on fire!

I’m gonna cut your arm off!

What’s your problem? I’m getting hair advice!

Tell that lady she is a dumbass!

I go around running into people just for the fun of it.

Person 1: I’ll let you get back to more important things
Person 2: Like my Sudoku puzzle?

Wow you’re actually working today? You’re like, almost an over achiever!

Person 1: Have you always had a beard?
Person 2: Yes, I came out of the whom with one.

I only need my glasses to drive. That way I don’t hit pedestrians. If we wanted to play games, I could take my glasses off and I would win every time. I am so good at that game!

If Spud was really lazy, would that make him an actual couch potato?

Person 1: Did you just punch him in the bum?
Person 2: No, but you should.

Things that are LAME

Dedra

That is all.

10 things

I have become a lame blogger. I am working on that. Here is a list of 10 things that happened this week-

1. I got sick and vomited at work.
2. Took a nap everyday.
3. Passed the entrance exam for MATC. I will be starting school in August.
4. A dear friend of the family, Pam Sommer, lost her battle with cancer. I am so sad that I can't afford to go home for her funeral. I want to give Bob and Doug big hugs do badly.
5. Was put on a new medicine for iron deficiency. It is what is making me sick all the time.
6. Played in the rain with Kyle and our 18 month old neighbor Claira. We were teaching her how to puddle jump. It was so stinking cute! She is a terrific kid.
7. Started Ether in the Book of Mormon and Exodus in the Bible. (I have also decided the Bible is pretty boring. I like the BoM way better)
8. I am now half way through A Thousand Splendid Suns. It's super good!
9. Worked my full 40 hours. I've not done that for a few weeks. PLUS! over time this week because of the holiday.
10. Started cutting out fabric for a new blanket. It will be a slab quilt. I'm super excited. I may make 2! Haha

Just what I needed

5 Scriptures that will get you through almost anything.

1 Nephi 11:17 God loves His children

Moses 7:26-33 God allows evil in the world. He doesn't want it but we need to be tested. He weeps and He knows what we are going through.

Alma 14:13 Your woke isn't done. Don't let hardships define your life.

Alma 7: 11-12 He is there for us. We will not be tried more than we can handle. The spirit does come when you turn to the Lord. Christ suffered for us. It won't change the obstacles but with faith in the Lord we are given the strength to overcome. The atonement is not just for sinners.

D&C 101:32-36 Things are relieved for a purpose. Not in our time but in the Lords. He is protecting us, teaching us and making us better people. Line upon line. Precept upon precept. Patience in all things.

Don't let people say they can't change. Christ suffered for us. We were given the atonement. That gives us the ability to change. It's not an instant thing. It's not like turning on a light switch. Its like a sunrise. It takes time. It's slow but the light does come.

We need to have faith. I needed to hear so many of the things that were said in church today.

D&C 50:35 - And by giving heed and doing these things which ye have received, and which ye shall hereafter receive-and the kingdom is given you of the Father, and power to overcome all things which are not ordained of him-

New baby on the way.

My friend DeVere's wife is having a baby boy. She is 6 or 7 months along. I made them a blanket for their soon to be little one.

It was so fun to see again. It seems like its been forever.